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Volume
I
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If you believe in gun
control you must also believe
It's amazing what one has to believe to believe in gun control:
That the more helpless you are the safer you are from criminals.
That Washington DC's low murder rate of 69 per 100,000 is due to gun control,
and Indianapolis' high murder rate of 9 per 100,000 is due to the lack of gun
control.
That "NYPD Blue" and "Miami Vice" are documentaries.
That an intruder will be incapacitated by tear gas or oven spray, but if shot
with a .44 Magnum will get angry and kill you.
That firearms in the hands of private citizens are the gravest threat to world
peace, and China, Pakistan and Korea can be trusted with nuclear weapons.
That Charlton Heston as president of the NRA is a shill who should be ignored,
but Michael Douglas as a representative of Handgun Control, Inc. is an
ambassador for peace who is entitled to an audience at the UN arms control
summit.
That ordinary people, in the presence of guns, turn into slaughtering butchers,
and revert to normal when the weapon is removed.
That the New England Journal of Medicine is filled with expert advice about
guns, just like Guns and Ammo has some excellent treatises on heart surgery.
That one should consult an automotive engineer for safer seatbelts, a civil
engineer for a better bridge, a surgeon for spinal paralysis, a computer
programmer for Y2K problems, and Sarah Brady for firearms expertise.
That the "right of the people peaceably to assemble," the "right of the people
to be secure in their homes," "enumeration's herein of certain rights shall not
be construed to disparage others retained by the people," "The powers not
delegated herein are reserved to the states respectively, and to the people,"
refer to individuals, but "the right of the people to keep and bear arms" refers
to the states.
That the 2nd Amendment, ratified in 1787, allows the states to have a National
Guard, created by act of Congress in 1917.
That the National Guard, paid by the federal government, occupying property
leased to the federal government, using weapons owned by the federal government,
punishing trespassers under federal law, is a state agency.
That private citizens can't have handguns, because they serve no militia
purpose, even though the military has hundreds of thousands of them, and private
citizens can't have assault rifles, because they are military weapons.
That it is reasonable for California to have a minimum 2 year sentence for
possessing but not using an assault rifle, and reasonable for California to have
a 6 month minimum sentence for raping a female police officer.
That it is reasonable to jail people for carrying but not using guns, but
outrageous to jail people for possessing marijuana.
That minimum sentences violate civil rights, unless it's for possessing a gun.
That door-to-door searches for drugs are a gross violation of civil rights and a
sign of fascism, but door-to-door searches for guns are a reasonable solution to
the "gun problem."
That the first amendment absolutely allows child pornography and threats to kill
cops, but doesn't apply to manuals on gun repair.
That Illinois' law that allows any government official from Governor to
dogcatcher to carry a gun is reasonable, and the law that prohibits any private
citizen, even one with 50 death threats on file and a million-dollar jewelry
business, is reasonable. And it isn't a sign of police statism.
That free speech entitles one to own newspapers, transmitters, computers, and
typewriters, but self-defense only justifies bare hands.
That gun safety courses in school only encourage kids to commit violence, but
sex education in school doesn't encourage kids to have sex.
That the ready availability of guns today, with only a few government forms,
waiting periods, checks, infringements, ID, and fingerprinting, is responsible
for all the school shootings, compared to the lack of school shootings in the
1950's and 1960's, which was caused by the awkward availability of guns at any
hardware store, gas station, and by mail order.
That we must get rid of guns because a deranged lunatic may go on a shooting
spree at any time and anyone who owns a gun out of fear of such a lunatic is
paranoid.
That there is too much explicit violence featuring guns on TV, and that cities
can sue gun manufacturers because people aren't aware of the dangers involved
with guns.
That the gun lobby's attempt to run a "don't touch" campaign about kids handling
guns is propaganda, and the anti-gun lobby's attempt to run a "don't touch"
campaign is responsible social activity.
That the crime rate in America is decreasing because of gun control and the
increase in crime requires more gun control.
That 100 years after its founding, the NRA got into the politics of guns from
purely selfish motives, and 100 years after the Emancipation Proclamation, the
black civil rights movement was founded from purely noble motives.
That statistics showing high murder rates justify gun control, and statistics
that show increasing murder rates after gun control are "just statistics."
That we don't need guns against an oppressive government, because the
Constitution has internal safeguards, and we should ban and seize all guns,
therefore violating the 2nd, 4th, and 5th Amendments of that Constitution,
thereby becoming an oppressive government.
That guns are an ineffective means of self defense for rational adults, but in
the hands of an ignorant criminal become a threat to the fabric of society.
That guns are so complex to use that special training is necessary to use them
properly, and so simple to use that they make murder easy.
That guns cause crime, which is why there are so many mass slayings at gun
shows.
That guns aren't necessary to national defense, which is why the army only has 3
million of them.
That banning guns works, which is why New York, DC, and Chicago cops need guns.
That the Constitution protects us, so we don't need guns, and can confiscate
them, thereby violating the 5th amendment of that constitution.
That women are just as intelligent and capable as men and a woman with a gun is
"an accident waiting to happen".
That women are just as intelligent and capable as men, and gun makers'
advertisements aimed at women are "preying on their fears."
That a handgun, with up to 4 controls, is far too complex for the typical adult
to learn to use, as opposed to an automobile that only has 20.
That a majority of the population supports gun control, just like a majority of
the population used to support owning slaves.
That one should ignore as idiots politicians who confuse Wicca with Satanism and
exaggerate the gay community as a threat to society, but listen sagely to
politicians who can refer to a self-loading small arm as a "weapon of mass
destruction" and an "assault weapon."
That Massachusetts is safer with bans on guns, which is why Teddy Kennedy has
machinegun toting guards.
That most people can't be trusted, so we should have laws against guns, which
most people will abide by, because they can be trusted.
That a woman raped and strangled with her panties is morally superior to a woman
with a smoking gun and a dead rapist at her feet.
That guns should be banned because of the danger involved, and live reporting
from the battlefield, which can keep the enemy informed of troop deployments,
getting thousands of troops killed and perhaps losing a war, is a protected act
that CANNOT be compromised on.
That the right of online child pornographers to exist cannot be questioned
because it is a constitutionally protected extension of the Bill of Rights, and
the claim that handguns are for self defense is merely an excuse, and not really
protected by the Bill of Rights.
That the ACLU is good because it uncompromisingly defends certain parts of the
Constitution, and the NRA is bad, because it defends other parts of the
Constitution.
That police operate in groups with backup, which is why they need larger
capacity magazines than civilians, who must face criminals alone, and therefore
need less ammunition.
That we should ban "Saturday Night Specials" and other inexpensive guns because
it's not fair that poor people have access to guns too.
That guns have no legitimate use, but alcohol does, which is why we issue cops
beer instead of guns.
That police and soldiers are the dregs of society who were unfit to get any real
job, which perfectly qualifies them with the high moral standards and keen
intellects to handle these complicated tools and be our guardians.
(By Jim Mortellaro)
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